We’re all different. You are a dreamer. He is very thoughtful. She is the sensitive one. They are straight. and I’m ... well, I write entirely to find out what I'm thinking, what I'm looking at, what I see and what it means. What I want and what I fear.

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Saturday, April 17, 2010

48) Are You OK ?!

Are You OK ?
This is a very hard question for me. It’s not easy to show how I feel - Whether I am OK or . . .

Are You OK ?
People often ask this question - I know it’s good to be around people. Friends and family love us. and can help us - especially when we are down. But actually (on a second thought), not all of them... Some hurt us; in public! Some kill us, by words ... But al7amdulellah a least the rest of them can.
I just thought I could handle everything on my own. But I can’t! I realize that now.

Are You OK?
Every time someone asks me that question I say “I am fine. Thank You” and I smile like that :) No! I think I smile like that :] ... Well I don’t know. I smile O khalas!
But to be very honest, I am not OK!
Yes. Oh yes - I am not OK. I feel . . . I even can’t tell. Can’t imagine. Can’t believe.
So...
Do people really want to know how you feel when they ask “Are You OK ?”
Or ...
Are they just trying to be polite?

Are You OK ?
Oooh Allah! Things used to be different!
Didn’t any body understand what I was going through?
Tell me ... Don’t worry ...
I know you all know what I have been through. Yes . I know you all know! That’s blatantly obvious. But, you all don’t seem to understand that I am still going through it. (!!!)
and I have a million Why. Why. Why. Why. W... I didn’t do but good stuff. I don’t deserve such a cruel words. and I can’t just move on with my life like you are all doing, and pretend that nothing had happened. Because it hurts me. It’s difficult for me. He was my best hero. I told him some things that I would never told anyone else. and whenever I wanted to have fun, I went to him. I made many of his days. and I wanted to help him to get back to himself that he has been missed... Just because I have never met him doesn’t mean that I didn’t feel him. But also it doesn’t mean that I have to stop living! Yes - It’s difficult. Yes - It’s horrible. Yes - It’s the worst thing that has ever happened to me in my whole life. Let me repeat this again and again and again... Yes - It’s difficult. Yes - It’s horrible. Yes - It’s the worst thing that has ever happened to me in my whole life. What made the worse is that he didn’t even try to say sorry. and here I have an another why - When you realize you have made a mistake, why don’t you take immediate steps to correct it? Why didn't you try to understand me? Why didn't you ask what was going wrong with me? Why didn't you try to figure out why I did what I did? W ... ? tab howa ana astahel keda ?!

Are You OK ?
. . . Well, . . . I really do not know. So, to answer the question, I feel blessed - al7amdulellah. But I am not sure if I am OK.
I wish love and happiness and peeeace on everyone.

So...

Are You OK ?
-------------------
"There is always a truth behind just kidding.
There is always a little emotion behind I don’t care.
There is always a I need you behind leave me alone.
There is always a little pain behind it’s OK.
There is always a lot of words behind silence."

15 comments:

Nouna said...

I'm sorry you were my biggest mistake, while I was quite possibly the best thing to ever happen to you.

هوبتي said...

رورو انا قراتها بجد
مش عارفه اقولك ايه
مش لقيه كلمه اقولها
غير اني حسيت بيكي وفهمت انتي عايزه تقولي ايه بجد

Anonymous said...

nice...but some time when we ask that silly q all we care about is are u oky :D?

Unknown said...

º_O

OPAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!
Ew3a al shekss ba2a ew3a ;D Yay!
i may steal this pic plzzz bebe ;D
i luv it!

sometimes Nona i feel i'm dreaming coz i expect pple to be considerate...... mafish kda now,,, forget bebe......homma kowayeseen tool ma enti kowayessa..... ba3den ba2a khalass.....
everything will be alright hayatyyyy.....
mouuuuwh

Amir said...

Wow
a girl who has her own beauty and charm..

Unknown said...

Saba7o sha2laba ya Amir ;)))

shaimaa said...

leah ya roney keda I felt every word but it's not if the pple really meant it or not it's I have to act coz it's not their problem to c this sad face all the time even if they were ur friend real friend I think they'll get bored coz I know that'll last & that's 4 all the reasons u mentioned that I miss when i wanna laugh I call him when I feel depressed I run to him coz the deep secrets we shared& what he really meant to me & what really hurts like u said all z cruel words he said & I couldn't imagine that I'll c this day & he won't realize someday how deeply he hurts me .yeah it hurts & will always do but the difference between now & before that before I cried coz I Lost him now I'm only crying coz z way I've been treated wz from the only one i ever loved I'll try to be better but nothing will be the same i'm trying to heal my wound I'll keep praying to God to stop my pain but even if it disappeared nothing will be the same coz I really loved, cared,trusted, never hurt & coz I was happy but I was blind I believed every word he told me.
i have a good memories very happy ones but I don't want to think about it coz I don't beleive it was real.

nothing will be the same coz I was like a blank paper nobody wrote on before so pure & he was the 1st he paint wrote & it ended wz an ugly depressing paint all in black & red colors left puzzles & scratches on my white paper so it won't be the same coz even if the wounds been healed the scratches will stand still
I read Somewhere status really liked says:People ask how I'm doing, I say "I'm fine" and smile a nice shy smile. Are you really stupid? Or am I just a really good actress?

yeah I will live ,Laugh, my life will go on biut it'll never be the same.

Nouna said...

وإحساسك دا أبلغ عندي من أي كلام يا هوبة


Hello Anon,
Welcome and hope you would stop by more.

Are You OK ?
No one answered the question

:)

Nouna said...

Lamya: Malek mehayparalna leih today? O eih shekss di! 3ib ya loulou 3eib ;)

Are You OK baby ? xx

Asta7'aba ana fen delwa2ti :)

Nouna said...

Blushing ya Amir wallahi blushing :))

Shimo: " NO Regrets but Lessons " :)

Wishing you a better tomorrow hun. but with the right one who really deserves you. and respects your feelings.

I miss you wallahi xx

Nouna said...

بقى يعنى

بقى يعنى نسيت لياليا وغرامك بقى مش ليا طب كان من الاول ليه
ليه تشغلنى وتشغل بالى
ليه وتسهر قلبى ليالى
وتسيبه وتقسى عليه

بقى يعنى خلاص مش راجع حتسيبنى لنار ومواجع
انا عايزك بس تراجع قلبك وتحس هواه
خايف ترجع تلاقينى قلبى مبقاش فى ايديا

لو زعلان انا ممكن اصالحك
لو غلطاان ارجع وانا اسامحك
ليه مش دارى بنارى وويلى ولهفة قلبى فى بعدك

قولى ازاى انا حقدر اكمل عمرى الجاى او حتى اتحمل
ليله تفوت من غيرك فيها وحعمل ايه من بعدك

xxx said...

Ru and shaimaa
i know it hurts. things will never be the same again deep inside you.there will always be a bitterness whenever "it" crosses your mind,
but
Allah ra7im, he gave us the gift of forgetting and the power to move on- if we decide to.
listen to your older sister and dont waste more time,energy and effort thinking in your
"why".
not words wallahi, but this is what i have learned.

Nouna said...

Mashi ya Houbba, thank you sis.

Now, answer the question please, are you OK?

p.s. balash Ru di please. call me Rouna, Roura, Rouni, Ron, Nouna, Batta :) ... or even Rue.

=)xx

xxx said...

Rouni, ya setti, i am ok, elhamdollah.
not ok 100%, but coping.
and this is more than enough for me in the phase i am in right now.
i am going tiny steps to keep the balance.
miss our late night talks. :)

Nouna said...

:)

Will call you tonight in-sha2-Allah, after 10 ;)