122) . . . السابعة صباحا

الأسكندرية أكتوبر 2010
... إلي صديق فقدت عنوانه

أنا من محبي فصل الخريف .. فيه ولدت .. وإحساس داخلي دائما يهمس لي أن فيه سأموت (والعلم عند الله) ومن يدري لعلي ابعث فيه من جديد

وأحب الأسكندرية في هذا الوقت بالذات

.. وأحب الساعة السابعة بوجه عام .. والسابعة صباحا بوجه خاص جدا

اليوم .. وفي تمام السابعة صباحا .. واجهتني لذة برد .. خفيفة .. منعشة .. جميلة

!.. فتذكرتك

!.. واشتقتك

نعم. افتقدك جدا

نغم صوتك في أذني

لطيف وعذب أن أتذكرك واشتاقك

لطيف وعذب أن اكتب لك كلما تذكرتك واشتقتك

لطيف وعذب أن أجدني من جديد أبعث لك *طاقة إيجابية* جديدة

...

لا. قلبي اللي بيكتب لك .. هو اللي بيبعت لك

لو قلبي قال حاجة .. من جرحة قالهالك .. دا أنا لما كنت بقول .. باقصد كلامي يطول .. يمكن تقول حاجة .. اسمعها أصفي لك

. . .

100) أَنتَ أَغلى مِنَ الأَنا

"Why are you leaving me?
He wrote, I do not know how to live...
I do not know either but I am trying...
I do not know how to try...
There were some things I wanted to tell him...
But I knew they would hurt him. So I buried them and let them hurt me"

:/

... لنا أحباب لا يسكنون بقربنا

... ولكن يسكنون بقلوبنا

... يظل شذي ذكراهم يعطر قلوبنا

... كلما نضبت ينابيع المودة في حياتنا

... أغلي الأشواق نبعثها إليهم

xx

89) Real Life & Facebook...

Moi wishes real life were like Facebook, if you can't stand someone, you block his whole existence with a click!

Complete:

You wish . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

80) ! .. لو كان يرضيك تفضل كدا قدامي خلاص خليك

..! عاوز تسيب صورتك كدا سيبها

.. وتعالي علي نفسك وعذبها

.. بس إبقي قولي اللي إنت فيه دا نهايته إيه

حرام عليك

...

72) Today Is A New Life ! :D

Today is a new life ...
and I am going to live ...
I am not going to worry ...
I am not going to cry ...
I am going to smile ...
[Even if I’ll force myself to smile]
and if there is anything to mind over matter,
I am going to win ...
I am going to close this chapter of my life ...
and repeating ...
I am going to live :D ...

I learned to forget the yesterdays ...
and not think of the tomorrows ...
Each morning I say to myself:

“Today Is A New Life!” :D

...

50) Moi & Aly But No Man Allowed!

Aly: "What is this?"

Moi: "A present for you".

Aly: "Why do you give me a present?"

Moi:"Because I love you".

Aly: "Why do you love me?"

Moi: "Because you are my son!"

Aly: "Why am I your son?"

Moi: "Because you came out of my tummy".

Aly: "Why did I come out of your tummy?"

Moi: "Because papa gave me the seed".

Aly: "Why did papa give you the seed?"

Moi: "Because we wanted to make a baby".

Aly: "Why did you want to make a baby?"

Moi: "Because we loved each other".

Aly: "Why did you love each other?"

Moi: "Because it was nice to be together".

Aly: "Why was it nice to be together?"

Moi: "Because we laughed a lot and had fun".

Aly: "Why did you have fun?"

Moi: "Because life is all about having fun".

Aly: "Why is life all about having fun?"

Moi: "Because we want to be happy. Like you are happy with your new toy"...

Aly: "Why am I happy with my new toy?"

Moi: "Why are you asking me? Ask yourself! Why are you happy with your new toy?"

Aly: "Cooz, cooz, cooz, bcooooooz I like it. Mom, you ask too many qustions!"

:/

48) Are You OK ?!

Are You OK ?
This is a very hard question for me. It’s not easy to show how I feel - Whether I am OK or . . .

Are You OK ?
People often ask this question - I know it’s good to be around people. Friends and family love us. and can help us - especially when we are down. But actually (on a second thought), not all of them... Some hurt us; in public! Some kill us, by words ... But al7amdulellah a least the rest of them can.
I just thought I could handle everything on my own. But I can’t! I realize that now.

Are You OK?
Every time someone asks me that question I say “I am fine. Thank You” and I smile like that :) No! I think I smile like that :] ... Well I don’t know. I smile O khalas!
But to be very honest, I am not OK!
Yes. Oh yes - I am not OK. I feel . . . I even can’t tell. Can’t imagine. Can’t believe.
So...
Do people really want to know how you feel when they ask “Are You OK ?”
Or ...
Are they just trying to be polite?

Are You OK ?
Oooh Allah! Things used to be different!
Didn’t any body understand what I was going through?
Tell me ... Don’t worry ...
I know you all know what I have been through. Yes . I know you all know! That’s blatantly obvious. But, you all don’t seem to understand that I am still going through it. (!!!)
and I have a million Why. Why. Why. Why. W... I didn’t do but good stuff. I don’t deserve such a cruel words. and I can’t just move on with my life like you are all doing, and pretend that nothing had happened. Because it hurts me. It’s difficult for me. He was my best hero. I told him some things that I would never told anyone else. and whenever I wanted to have fun, I went to him. I made many of his days. and I wanted to help him to get back to himself that he has been missed... Just because I have never met him doesn’t mean that I didn’t feel him. But also it doesn’t mean that I have to stop living! Yes - It’s difficult. Yes - It’s horrible. Yes - It’s the worst thing that has ever happened to me in my whole life. Let me repeat this again and again and again... Yes - It’s difficult. Yes - It’s horrible. Yes - It’s the worst thing that has ever happened to me in my whole life. What made the worse is that he didn’t even try to say sorry. and here I have an another why - When you realize you have made a mistake, why don’t you take immediate steps to correct it? Why didn't you try to understand me? Why didn't you ask what was going wrong with me? Why didn't you try to figure out why I did what I did? W ... ? tab howa ana astahel keda ?!

Are You OK ?
. . . Well, . . . I really do not know. So, to answer the question, I feel blessed - al7amdulellah. But I am not sure if I am OK.
I wish love and happiness and peeeace on everyone.

So...

Are You OK ?
-------------------
"There is always a truth behind just kidding.
There is always a little emotion behind I don’t care.
There is always a I need you behind leave me alone.
There is always a little pain behind it’s OK.
There is always a lot of words behind silence."

44) كل هذا الحب - Mama Didi :: Part 1

كل هذا الحب

أنا معرفش ماما ديدي

لكن صدقني لما أقول - بحبها

علشان ربنا هو اللي ألف بين قلبي وقلبها

مش إنت .. ولا أنا .. ولا الدنيا دي كلها

ويمكن علشان إنت بتحبها

ويمكن من كلامك عنها

أنا كمان حنيت لها

صدقني لما أقول - بحبها

دا أنا زي ما أكون شوفتها

ومن غير ما أحس في خيالي رسمتها

فا في أحلامي قابلتها

وكلمتني وكلمتها

قلتلها كلام كتير

وسمعتني

وسألتني

فحكيت لها

فضحكت لي

ولمستني .. ولمستها

و وصتني وأنا وعدتها

وصدقتني

! صدقتني

! صدقتني

فبوستها

وحضنتها

وفي حضنها

حسيت بحنان غريب

قربني منها

وخلاني أحبها

وأشتاق لها

صدقني لما أقول - بحبها

أنا كمان حنيت لها

ودعيت لها

ربنا يرحمها

ويهون عليك بعدها

ويساعدك علي برها

حتي بعد ما استردها

ما هي كانت وديعته

وأكيد هناك عنده

أحسن لها

صدقني لما أقول - بحبها

-----------------------

I do not know why, but this made me always cry! and I never thought of publishing it - but, since today is a special day [it is a secret] , I decided to share it with you; it is a part of me after all.

The time is running so fast.

April 10th 2009.

38) The Red Flower!

Choose between Brackets:

The Red Flower is . . . . . . . . .

( Weird - Different - Beautiful )

37) Love & Signs - Shuuush.. HI ♥

It was a Sunday morning in June(Sunny Sunday) - when I first sent this beautiful video to him. It was 7:00 a.m., to be precise and I happen to know exactly what time it was because I used to send him a new thing every morning at that time. and maybe because I looked at my watch. I don’t know why I did, because I didn’t need to be anywhere by any specific time. But I believe there’s a reason for everything. So, perhaps I checked my watch at that time just so I could tell you my story properly.

Details are important in storytelling, aren’t they?




So...

Here are the details,

Almost cried '''. Beautiful. What a BRILLIANT start of the day. The actress looks somehow like me : )

Have you noticed how SPONTANEOUS she was? I Love Simple and Honest Feelings. NO hidden agendas, NO phony pretenda! :D

Have A Great Day
--------------------
This was my message and I was glad I sent him this thoughtful beautiful video that morning - 7 June 2009. 7:00 a.m. and I was glad he loved it to the extent that hmmm ... I wont tell. Just guess.

I think sounds nice. But it’s not a very nice part of my life though! But I believe in finding a positive side in everything. So, the way I see it is, if I didn’t have to experience this, I wouldn’t be able to write this story and to make this post.

34) My S.D. - 2 :: Someone I Love, Aly!

I don’t know why, but, actually, in my future vision of myself, I see a cute kid and lots of fun... I see a lovely baby and lots of love... I see Aly! But no man... I see myself as a single mom! Moi and Aly and a sweet smile... and that is my sweet dream...

... Aly ...

I love the way you look when you are smiling ...
I love the way you look when you are crying ...
I love the way you look when you are reading ...
I love the way you look when you are writing ...
I love the way you look when you are asking ...
I love the way you look when you are answering ...
I love the way you look when you are talking ...
I love the way you look when you are eating ...
I love the way you look when you are playing ...
I love the way you look when you are running ...
I love the way you look when you are sleeping ...
I love the way you look like someone I love ...!
I love a feeling that I locked up deep down in my heart.
I do love you - my yet unborn kid.

... Aly ...

19) 7 things I Hate About myself!

1) I hate it when I cried in front of a romantic movie, although I know that the End seems to be happy!

2) I hate it when I got so much sarcastic in front of strangers, to break the ice.

3) I hate my shy of saying that I care to some people I really, really; really I care about.

4) I hate it when I got so rude with people when I am not in the mood, I really hate when I see myself so awful.

5) I hate it when I could’t keep in touch with people I really wanna still know; it just the life that took us away from ourselves.

6) I hate it when I can’t find any free time to me; playing, reading, talking, praying, loving . . . etc.

7) I hate it when I didnt get satisfied about myself, which is mostly happened.

7) My Sweet Dream . . . ЯΜ - 1

You know . . .

The best thing about dreams is that fleeting moment . . .

When you are between asleep and awake . . .

When you dont know the difference between reality and fantasy . . .

When for just that moment you feel with your entire soul that the dream is reality . . .

and it really . really . really happened . . . !

From now on, dont tell me " we have never met "- yes we did . I am not weird . I heard your voice . I am sure this was your voice . . . I am not gonna ask you to believe . . . If you dont believe it, then, may be you are a normal person and I am the weird one . . .

PS: With you, I didn't care what I wore or if my shoes matched my bag.
PS: I love how when I dream of my life partner, the only person that I can see is you!

. . . . . . howa ana keda weird awy . . . !
------------------------------------------
"When I think about Romance I see:
Loving Eyes, and Caring Hands, in a quiet Beach of soft White sand..."
¡ uoos noʎ ǝǝs